Grrrr. Can't sleep. I said goodnight to S on chat ages ago, but I can't get to sleep. I even tried playing a bit and it made me sleepy, but then bam, wide awake again.
*sigh* S has started me on a healthy eating plan cos I asked him for help with my eating. I have no will power when it comes to eating, especially when I'm stressed, which I am now.
So, because I didnt keep to the eating plan that he set out today, I wasnt allowed chips as a treat tonight. And I really wanted chips. I had to have boring vegetables. But I want to please him so much, and I need to do it for myself to, so I'm determined to do the right thing tomorrow. I have a feeling, too, if I dont stick to it tomorrow, S will resort to more drastic measures. Maybe an enema. Eurgh. I detest enemas.
Giving myself an enema is usually okay, like it hurts when I do it, but being so empty afterwards feels good. But ohhh, when S give me one as a punishment? Oh I dont like it.
First up, is the embarrassment factor. Having him put a tube up my bottom is bad, pleading with him to let me go to the bathroom is worse, and having him watch me while I let it go is THE WORST. How embarrassing! It works though, I will do anything to not have him do that to me. And whats worse, although I the humiliation is bad at the time, it turns me on something bad- thinking about it. Having such a lil girl punishment as being watched while sitting on the toilet . . . I know he doesnt like watching me go, I mean, where's the turn-on factor in that? But he does it cos he knows it causes me embarrassment, which in turn teaches me a lesson in obedience and respect. He is so good to me, everything he does is to make me a better lil girl/sub.
Anyway, more about this later. Time to try to sleep and dream about my man xoxoxox
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